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Upcoming Crisis that Will Make You Wish You Had A FoodSaver

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1. Coastal Flooding From the Melted Polar Ice Caps

According to scientific predictions, about sometime next week the last polar ice cap will melt, causing the ocean to rise by a mile and creating massive tidal waves that will destroy our coastal cities. New York? Gone. Miami? Goodbye. While everyone else is scrambling to spear the fish now freely swimming in the streets you’ll be popping open your freeze dried steak like a TV dinner. When times really get tough a FoodSaver will also be there to save the giant bear you take down with your bare hands.

 

2. Feral Mountain Lions Become Overpopulated

Mountain lions are repopulating at an outrageous rate! In the coming months were will be preparing for an epic battle of the wits with the world’s smartest creatures. There’s no better way to lure them into your cleverly designed trap of vines and Punji sticks than with a hanging piece of preserved turtle meat. And there’s no better way to preserve turtle meat than with a FoodSaver vacuum seal system.

 

3. Zombie Apocalypse

Oh, you laugh now. But think about it. Every winter millions of people receive their flu vaccinations. There’s always the chance of a bad batch and BAM! Zombie apocalypse. In this case a FoodSaver is win-win. If you’re trapped in your house as the zombie drones close in you’ll be glad you had the foresight to preserve your food in vacuum sealed bags. If you are one of the zombie drones, well, I hear brain reheats nicely if you manage to get it properly sealed up in the freezer.

 

4. Super Computer Takes Over the World

Fun fact: Company cell phones are actually state of the art tracking devices. Your boss knows where you are every minute of every day, is reading your e-mails and listening to your phone calls. All of this data is being uploaded into The Super Secure Global Network of Private Information, or SSGNPI, which will debut in early 2013. They want you to think it’s for your safety, but in reality this super computer will have the power to freeze bank accounts, start wars and TAKE OVER THE WORLD! When you go underground with you hacker friends in an attempt to restore liberty to the masses you’re going to miss the nutritional meals the computer used to dish out using a sophisticated lottery system. Fortunately you’ve been storing food using your FoodSaver. Feast on.

 

Now that you’ve seen the future you can save lives. Create a 30 second video that shows interesting ways people have preserved food and you could win $1,500 in prizes. Check out the brief here! You have until November 7 to upload.

 

Meme E

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